Preface

I'm not afraid of death. On the contrary, I find the idea of it comforting. Everyone considers it to be some huge mystery, but it's only one question really. Where do we go? Compared to all the questions we’re forced to ask in life, that one isn't bad at all.

'What do you want to do when you grow up? What are you doing with your life? Why don't you have a boyfriend? A girlfriend? Any friend? Who are you? What are you? Why are you?' You can be just as lost in life as in death. More I think. In life, we're force fed examples of what to do and what not to do and what you should be doing. There are the endless possibilities of what you could have/should have/would have done. And those reminders of possibilities and lost opportunities fester, itch, and drive us crazy. Death, on the other hand, is inevitable. Everyone meets it just the same, no matter how well your portfolio did or how many years it took you to finish college. Death is the equalizer and, in my humble opinion, the peace bringer.

Life is pain. I’m sure you’ve heard that before and it’s true. It hurts to be born and it hurts to die. And in between, life is filled with innumerable hurts that build up and bleed you dry. The childhood accident that should have killed you but didn’t. The parent who didn’t love you enough to even disapprove. So much pain. If there really is balance in the universe like religion says, then a world without pain has to exist somewhere away from here, and that somewhere must be, by necessity, death. One last, big pain before you’re free forever.

So it wasn't dying that I was afraid of now. It was the promise of pain. Excruciating pain before the end. But in the back of my mind, I was afraid that even death wouldn't end it.